"I hope your not the one that took your profile picture. If that's the skills you have then you have a long way to go hun. I just don't like stuck up little kikes like yourself who don't have enough humanity to tell someone their not interested. Good say"
First off...spell check.
Secondly...don't call me hun to be condescending. It just makes you look like a douche.
Third...kike? Really?
I'm not Jewish, but the fact that this guy pulled out a racial slur to insult me is positively astounding. Attack my photography, that's cool. Say I'm stuck up, that's fine as well. But to call me a racial slur, and one that doesn't even apply to me...well, there's a reason this guy is single. Perhaps he doesn't realize that antisemitism isn't in fashion, but racial slurs are never okay, and definitely not a way to win my heart.
He can now not only suck my left nut, but my right one as well.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Was that the response you wanted?
Some background:
I work from home, and tend to have a thousand and one tabs open when I'm online. As of recently, that's included both Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. Luckily for me, that means potential dates are able to see when I'm online, and it leads to some...butthurtness.
This guy has messaged me several times with a generic message. "I like your profile pic" or "you seem cool". You know, the shit you can type out in 10 seconds and send to every girl. Nothing about my profile, nothing to really show interest, and since I get quite a few messages a day, I ignored him.
And then Mr. Pissypants got pissy.
Turns out, he's insecure. My lack of response to his generic e-mails has caused mortal damage to his soul? Well, dude needs to toughen up.
Oh, he assumes I think I'm better than him. I don't. Well, I didn't. I also don't send messages like that when someone doesn't respond to me. So maybe I'll have to re-evaluate where I stand in this hierarchy.
And yes, I am that rude. Sorry guys, not everyone gets a message back, not if they send me something generic. If you actually take time to write something worth reading, even if I'm not interested, I'll respond to be nice. But generic bullshit message? Suck my left nut.
Before I sign off for the night...those abs don't match the face. I'm going to go ahead and place bets on the fact that they're not his.
When did 24 become old?
My wrist is killing me. My ass too.
Wait. Does that sound as awful as I think it does?
Two dates, same guy, he seems spiffy. But my body hates me right now. 2 games of bowling, numerous games of darts, laser tag, rollerskating, and a major wipe out on the rink. My tailbone is still holding a grudge against me, and my wrist is begging for mercy. There's only so many 12 lb balls you can throw, and so many laps around a rink before your body gives up.
You know, I've gotta admit, it's been nice. Dinners are cool and all, and it's nice to chat over a beer at a chill brewery, but I haven't actually had legitimate fun on a date in a really long time. Zombie Pride was great, what a goofy way to meet someone, covered in blood...but outside of that, everything seems so adult. I'm not my mother, I don't want to go on the same type of dates she does.
So rollerskating? I was down. Seems kinda pointless, going around in circles for a while (Exhibit A: Nascar), but it was nice to be goofy, and laugh, and be surrounded by kids half my size and age. That never would have happened in my past relationship...ever. It would have been juvenile, and "that's not what adults do".
I don't want to grow up then.
Wait. Does that sound as awful as I think it does?
Two dates, same guy, he seems spiffy. But my body hates me right now. 2 games of bowling, numerous games of darts, laser tag, rollerskating, and a major wipe out on the rink. My tailbone is still holding a grudge against me, and my wrist is begging for mercy. There's only so many 12 lb balls you can throw, and so many laps around a rink before your body gives up.
You know, I've gotta admit, it's been nice. Dinners are cool and all, and it's nice to chat over a beer at a chill brewery, but I haven't actually had legitimate fun on a date in a really long time. Zombie Pride was great, what a goofy way to meet someone, covered in blood...but outside of that, everything seems so adult. I'm not my mother, I don't want to go on the same type of dates she does.
So rollerskating? I was down. Seems kinda pointless, going around in circles for a while (Exhibit A: Nascar), but it was nice to be goofy, and laugh, and be surrounded by kids half my size and age. That never would have happened in my past relationship...ever. It would have been juvenile, and "that's not what adults do".
I don't want to grow up then.
Herpes
Simplex glitter.
At the risk of making myself out to be the massive bitch that lives deep within my soul, I hate glitter. Almost as much as I do cheesy romantic notions like flowers on a first date. Dude, we've talked online for 5 days, and you seem nice which is why we're going on this date, but flowers? Really?
With glitter?
Oh, and did I mention the roses were dyed blue because I made the mistake of telling him that my favorite color is blue/green?
Awful. So awful. I smiled, thanked him profusely like my grandmother taught me to do, and put them on the table next to me and tried to ignore their overpowering presence. It's like waves of tension rushing over me as I'm trying desperately to make conversation with the witch doctor. I now need to live up to these flowers, but I don't think I can be that gaudy.
He was nice, but he was trying too hard to impress me. Talking about wealth, talking about his degree in witch doctor'y, his aspirations to help impoverished children. I know, I know, I should be beside myself right now, guy with money, degree, and he wants to help the needy? That's the holy grail, right?
:sigh:
Oh, he probably didn't help himself when he invited me back to the hot tub, and when I told him I don't even own a swimsuit (not a lie), he said that if things went well he could buy me one.
I mean, I do love shopping, but I'm not looking for a sugar daddy. Especially if they think herpes ridden blue roses are romantic.
P.S. In the words of my wise friend "M", those roses are only appropriate for Elton John's funeral. I'm convinced she's correct.
Still looking for love,
Elle
At the risk of making myself out to be the massive bitch that lives deep within my soul, I hate glitter. Almost as much as I do cheesy romantic notions like flowers on a first date. Dude, we've talked online for 5 days, and you seem nice which is why we're going on this date, but flowers? Really?
With glitter?
Oh, and did I mention the roses were dyed blue because I made the mistake of telling him that my favorite color is blue/green?
Awful. So awful. I smiled, thanked him profusely like my grandmother taught me to do, and put them on the table next to me and tried to ignore their overpowering presence. It's like waves of tension rushing over me as I'm trying desperately to make conversation with the witch doctor. I now need to live up to these flowers, but I don't think I can be that gaudy.
He was nice, but he was trying too hard to impress me. Talking about wealth, talking about his degree in witch doctor'y, his aspirations to help impoverished children. I know, I know, I should be beside myself right now, guy with money, degree, and he wants to help the needy? That's the holy grail, right?
:sigh:
Oh, he probably didn't help himself when he invited me back to the hot tub, and when I told him I don't even own a swimsuit (not a lie), he said that if things went well he could buy me one.
I mean, I do love shopping, but I'm not looking for a sugar daddy. Especially if they think herpes ridden blue roses are romantic.
P.S. In the words of my wise friend "M", those roses are only appropriate for Elton John's funeral. I'm convinced she's correct.
Still looking for love,
Elle
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Am I a Glutton for Punishment?
It's been a week full of dates, but I'll fill you in on those later...
I just got back from a baby shower, and it's prompted a question. Why do women torture each other?
Men, they go out and get drunk as one last hoorah. But women? We force each other to buy gifts, and not cool gifts like alcohol that we can share. No, gifts like onesies for the new baby, or an expensive crystal vase for the home. Need a new blender? I've got that covered!
Maybe it's just been a bad day, but being surrounded by pregnant, engaged women has me sitting here, sipping on a beer, thinking about it all. Mind you, I'm thankful that I can be sipping on a beer right now, but what a horrible way to realize you're alone...surrounded by blue balloons and baby bottles filled with candy.
I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy going on dates...or at least I thought I did. You know, until everyone around me kept asking me about the boyfriend I don't have, asking how my imaginary children are. I was the oldest one there, at least of my peers, and the one that is utterly...alone.
Shit. I'm going to need more beer.
I just got back from a baby shower, and it's prompted a question. Why do women torture each other?
Men, they go out and get drunk as one last hoorah. But women? We force each other to buy gifts, and not cool gifts like alcohol that we can share. No, gifts like onesies for the new baby, or an expensive crystal vase for the home. Need a new blender? I've got that covered!
Maybe it's just been a bad day, but being surrounded by pregnant, engaged women has me sitting here, sipping on a beer, thinking about it all. Mind you, I'm thankful that I can be sipping on a beer right now, but what a horrible way to realize you're alone...surrounded by blue balloons and baby bottles filled with candy.
I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy going on dates...or at least I thought I did. You know, until everyone around me kept asking me about the boyfriend I don't have, asking how my imaginary children are. I was the oldest one there, at least of my peers, and the one that is utterly...alone.
Shit. I'm going to need more beer.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The Queen of Rebounds
Lets be serious for a second. I know, I know...how incredibly lame.
I came to a realization today. I hung out with the guy that I was heartbroken about, and realized something. He's Mr. Perfect...job, car, house, polite, very attractive, funny, likes the same things I do.
When he decided there was no 'spark', I was hurt, and then tonight when we hung out I realized something that I needed to.
He's Mr. Perfect...he's not Mr. Perfect for me.
I came to a realization today. I hung out with the guy that I was heartbroken about, and realized something. He's Mr. Perfect...job, car, house, polite, very attractive, funny, likes the same things I do.
When he decided there was no 'spark', I was hurt, and then tonight when we hung out I realized something that I needed to.
He's Mr. Perfect...he's not Mr. Perfect for me.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Hi...
Dear males on dating sites, (I initially typed that mating sites...Freudian? I’d bet yes.)
Why do you insist on writing me a message, subject ‘Hi’, with the body “hi”. Why? Please, do explain to me why you’re incapable of reading my profile, and perhaps commenting on my profession, or perhaps my very witty talk about political debates. Do you know how long it took me to come up with something clever? Minutes. Precious minutes.
This whole “hi” things begs a question. How do you expect me to reply? With a “hi”? Where does it go from there? “How are you doing?” I’m bored.
Not to mention, you’re expecting me to do the work. You say “hi”, I check out your profile, and I formulate a bunch of questions and remark on something you said, which is inevitably some woman hating bull about triflin’ hos, and only ‘real ladies’ should message you. Excuse my cynicism, but seeing as I have a vagina, I’m a tad bit offended. But lets get back to my point. You expect me to do the work, because inevitably if I sent you back a message that said “hi” you’d be complaining. How about you do some work since you messaged me first?
Okay, you know what, new game. Next person that writes to me with a simple “hi” will be getting a “hi” back in exchange. Lets see where this goes.
Why do you insist on writing me a message, subject ‘Hi’, with the body “hi”. Why? Please, do explain to me why you’re incapable of reading my profile, and perhaps commenting on my profession, or perhaps my very witty talk about political debates. Do you know how long it took me to come up with something clever? Minutes. Precious minutes.
This whole “hi” things begs a question. How do you expect me to reply? With a “hi”? Where does it go from there? “How are you doing?” I’m bored.
Not to mention, you’re expecting me to do the work. You say “hi”, I check out your profile, and I formulate a bunch of questions and remark on something you said, which is inevitably some woman hating bull about triflin’ hos, and only ‘real ladies’ should message you. Excuse my cynicism, but seeing as I have a vagina, I’m a tad bit offended. But lets get back to my point. You expect me to do the work, because inevitably if I sent you back a message that said “hi” you’d be complaining. How about you do some work since you messaged me first?
Okay, you know what, new game. Next person that writes to me with a simple “hi” will be getting a “hi” back in exchange. Lets see where this goes.
That Awkward Moment When You Realize...
......that the guy who messaged you on OkCupid, and you ignored because ‘ yeah, no...’ is now the guy you’re flirting with on Plenty of Fish.
Shit.
No wonder he chose a different picture for his profile on POF. That guy I’m attracted to..the other one? Not so much. But his personality is good, so I’ll give him a chance, but now I’m having doubts. I mean, there’s a reason I ignored him on OkCupid, right? Maybe?
The bar has been set too high.
Stupid perfect boy that didn't work out. Now no one is as good.
Shit.
No wonder he chose a different picture for his profile on POF. That guy I’m attracted to..the other one? Not so much. But his personality is good, so I’ll give him a chance, but now I’m having doubts. I mean, there’s a reason I ignored him on OkCupid, right? Maybe?
The bar has been set too high.
Stupid perfect boy that didn't work out. Now no one is as good.
Your Desperation is Showing
Plenty of Fish. Sure. If you’re into guppies.
I’m not going to knock free dating sites. That wouldn’t be fair of me, because I’ve met some genuinely nice people on them, but goodness do you have to wade through a lot of bullshit.
Here’s a new one for me. I got sent a dicpic. Straight up. (excuse the pun) It’s really no fun to click on to a message, and then hello! Are you happy to see me? That was not the right way to wake up. I promptly deleted and then blocked the user, because there’s only so many salutes you can see in one day before you decide that dating simply isn’t for you.
The other charmer today? The guy that decided I was prissy because I refused a chat invitation from him. Quite possibly my least favorite thing about Plenty of Fish, the chat function. You think I’m cool? Awesome, send me a message. When the guy complained to me, in a message (so obviously he’s capable), I let him know that since I work from home I’m typically online, but aren’t always able to chat. That messaging is much easier for me because it allows me to take my time with the message and do so when I’m not bogged down with photos.
I’m prissy now, because I’ll talk on my own time. Well...yeah...
Deleted.
On a positive note, I’ve now been told I look like Zooey Deschanel 9 to the nth degree times. I mean, I don’t look like her whatsoever, outside of my oversized blue eyes, but hey...I’m not one to turn down a compliment.
I’m not going to knock free dating sites. That wouldn’t be fair of me, because I’ve met some genuinely nice people on them, but goodness do you have to wade through a lot of bullshit.
Here’s a new one for me. I got sent a dicpic. Straight up. (excuse the pun) It’s really no fun to click on to a message, and then hello! Are you happy to see me? That was not the right way to wake up. I promptly deleted and then blocked the user, because there’s only so many salutes you can see in one day before you decide that dating simply isn’t for you.
The other charmer today? The guy that decided I was prissy because I refused a chat invitation from him. Quite possibly my least favorite thing about Plenty of Fish, the chat function. You think I’m cool? Awesome, send me a message. When the guy complained to me, in a message (so obviously he’s capable), I let him know that since I work from home I’m typically online, but aren’t always able to chat. That messaging is much easier for me because it allows me to take my time with the message and do so when I’m not bogged down with photos.
I’m prissy now, because I’ll talk on my own time. Well...yeah...
Deleted.
On a positive note, I’ve now been told I look like Zooey Deschanel 9 to the nth degree times. I mean, I don’t look like her whatsoever, outside of my oversized blue eyes, but hey...I’m not one to turn down a compliment.
Met a guy
Went on dates with guy. Fell for guy. Hard.
Single again.
"No spark".
That's okay, that means this blog is a go. Bring on the dates!
Single again.
"No spark".
That's okay, that means this blog is a go. Bring on the dates!
Well, I could use a financier...
"would you consider being a suga baby, some one who will get spoiled and pampered, shopping at the mall, maybe an allowance, there is no real set amount, as long as we would function in this arrangement, the possibilities are endless, and amazing, totally spontaneous."
Hell yes I want to shop at the mall and get an allowance!
Hold on, function in this arrangement...what does that mean?...
Oh wait, I have to blow you on the weekends? I'm gonna have to pass.
Hell yes I want to shop at the mall and get an allowance!
Hold on, function in this arrangement...what does that mean?...
Oh wait, I have to blow you on the weekends? I'm gonna have to pass.
A Social Experiment
From the beginning...
I've joined two sites. One on the serious side, eHarmony, and one that may possibly infect me with herpes for simply visiting, OkCupid.
First impressions:
eHarmony seems to be laid out well, and the guided communication is pretty spiffy for people like me who absolutely fail at communication. You know the type. "Do you have any pets?" "Yeah, I have a cat". "Oh, cool, I like cats". Awkward pause. Nothing is being said. Shit, where do I go from here? So the way E is set up is pretty spiffy...if I'm stuck about what to say, eHarmony has some ideas for me. I mean, it's kind of cheating, but that's okay...right? Plus, once the conversation gets started, I can take it from there as long as the person I'm talking to has similar interests.
Now on to OkCupid.
Okay, maybe I won't get herpes from simply going to the site, but viral gonorrhea is a distinct possibility. And sure, a week of antibiotics and I'll be clear, but the embarrassment will be too much to bear. What will my e-physician say?
OkCupid is a free for all. There's some decent guys, they're just hidden...you know, behind all the awful. I should play nicely. I don't know if most of the guys are awful, I'd just place a bet. A hefty bet. I may put my photo equipment on the line kind of bet.
But hey, I've got hope. I'm single, hope is what I need, so I'm stocking up and seeing where this takes me.
Hilarious messages on the way.
I've joined two sites. One on the serious side, eHarmony, and one that may possibly infect me with herpes for simply visiting, OkCupid.
First impressions:
eHarmony seems to be laid out well, and the guided communication is pretty spiffy for people like me who absolutely fail at communication. You know the type. "Do you have any pets?" "Yeah, I have a cat". "Oh, cool, I like cats". Awkward pause. Nothing is being said. Shit, where do I go from here? So the way E is set up is pretty spiffy...if I'm stuck about what to say, eHarmony has some ideas for me. I mean, it's kind of cheating, but that's okay...right? Plus, once the conversation gets started, I can take it from there as long as the person I'm talking to has similar interests.
Now on to OkCupid.
Okay, maybe I won't get herpes from simply going to the site, but viral gonorrhea is a distinct possibility. And sure, a week of antibiotics and I'll be clear, but the embarrassment will be too much to bear. What will my e-physician say?
OkCupid is a free for all. There's some decent guys, they're just hidden...you know, behind all the awful. I should play nicely. I don't know if most of the guys are awful, I'd just place a bet. A hefty bet. I may put my photo equipment on the line kind of bet.
But hey, I've got hope. I'm single, hope is what I need, so I'm stocking up and seeing where this takes me.
Hilarious messages on the way.
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