Persistence isn't always a virtue

In fact, sometimes it's just downright creepy and desperate.

Sorry.

Why is it that the instant you become single, you get messages from every single guy on your Facebook?  Okay, not every single guy, just the ones that have been biding their time hoping your relationship would fail.  Gee, thanks?

I mean, I get it to a certain extent, you don't want to wait too long and suddenly the girl you've been eyeing is now in another relationship and you've screwed the pooch.  But come on, two weeks, give a girl two weeks.  And if she's somehow moved on to a new beau in that time frame, it's probably safe to assume he's a rebound, and you'll get another chance in 3 months.  Plus, do you want to be the rebound?  Cause I'm guessing you don't.

So first mistake, throwing yourself at a girl the instant her Facebook status goes from 'in a relationship' to 'single'.  And the second mistake is doing that when you know her ex, and dated her friend.  At the least, it complicates things, and at the worst it seems like you were only biding your time, staying just close enough to keep an eye on things.  I mean shit, for all I know, he was attempting to sabotage my relationship.  "Oh, is your beau out of town again?  He seems to be out of town a lot...that must be difficult.  Do you think you have a long term?" 

Looking back, I should have stopped talking to him then. 

Single life hit, and I was okay with it, but of course it's always a little rough at first.  And then I got hit with the message.  "You should let me take you out on a date".  I mean, that's nice and all, but give me a week.  So I said no, and for a genuine reason...I didn't want to date right away.  I wanted to navigate single life for a while, and figure out what I wanted.  I wanted to go to bars without the hassle of having some guy in my life, even if it was just a date.  I wanted to experience the emotions of breaking up instead of having a rebound.  I wanted to take some time and work on me because what's the point of being with someone else if you can't be happy alone?

But he couldn't take no for an answer.  He wanted to know if I was going on dates with other people, he commented on every status, he IMed me numerous times a day...ladies and gentleman, he was pissing on my leg.  He was marking me. 

And then like a fool, I agreed to go to lunch with him, so we could talk face to face.  We'd go dutch, just as friends, because I really did want to be his friend.  And then I flaked.  Completely unintentionally, I thought I had told him I had a shoot schedule, but I hadn't.  So he was at the restaurant, I wasn't, and there was no way I could get there and have time to eat and get to my shoot.  So I apologized, he said it was fine, and we didn't discuss it any further...at least not that day.

But then the messages persisted.  Him still insisting on a date.  Him still insisting I should give him a chance.  Him not giving up.  Him making it impossible to be his friend.  Because how many times should you have to tell a person that you're not interested, that you don't want to date, before they give up?  And how many times do I have to keep reading the same message before I'm allowed to get pissy?

Then there was this:

"I want to take you out to dinner, I want to sit down and talk to you and I want to look into your eyes and try not to think of the future while I do."

This was after I didn't respond to him on Facebook where he had written me a nearly identical message.  (that was only a snippet of a longer message)  But lets look at that snippet and analyze the creepy.

You want to look into my eyes and try not to think of the future?  How I'm supposed to take that?  Yeah, I get it, I should be flattered...but I'm not.  Not after knowing a guy for 5 months, not after treating him like a friend while dating my ex, not after discussing him with my friend who was dating him at the time, not after repeatedly turning down a date, and not after him persisting for a month.

There was never any future in the plans, and if he was building one in his own brain, that's solely on him.  It's that expectation thing again, people.  And trust me, expectation and reality rarely line up, just watch 500 Days of Summer.

It's a shame, really.  I did like him as a friend, but sometimes persistence isn't a virtue, and all it does is ruin a friendship.  Maybe, had he given me time like I had asked, I would have gone on a date with him.  But he couldn't respect me, my timeline, or my privacy.  Basically, he shot himself in the foot and continued to do so for far longer than he should have.

I guess that's life.  The guys you want, you can't have.  The ones that want you, you don't want.