The Fade

Sounds like an M. Night Shyamalan movie doesn't it?

It's not.  It's much more pathetic than an M. Night movie and that's saying something.

Let me tell you a story about a boy.  5 foot 2 with just about as much maturity to match.  Yeah, I'm being a bit caustic, but it'll make sense soon enough.

We met up for drinks.  It was fine.  We hung out more, it was fine. He wasn't completely over his ex, but that was fine.  Not ideal, but we're all human.  We took a day trip.  We hung out most nights.  He came over to my place, I went to his, I met some of his friends...it was fine.

So it would have been fine if he had just said that he wasn't interested anymore.  Instead, when I told him he seemed a bit off, he said he was fine.  Just stressed. Everything was fine. We were fine.

I didn't text him the next day, because if everything was so fine, then he'd text me at some point.  Make conversation to make conversation.  Send me a good morning text like he usually did.  But alas, no text.  No phone call.  No like on my Facebook page.  I had gone from present tense to past tense in the course of about 2 days.

And that was fine.   I knew we probably had an expiration date and I was okay with that.  I wanted to give it more time, but if he didn't, I understood.  But the fade?  The fade is never fine.

Today I saw a Facebook post, about a girl, a 'beautiful girl' according to him.  Not to say she isn't beautiful, I'm not that bitter, but what I mean to say is they are definitely a couple. Which is funny, because only 3 weeks ago I was the 'beautiful girl' and the one that was apparently being lied to. Lets make that 'beautiful naive girl' for the sake of clarity.

Some guys like to do this thing (and I'm sure some girls as well) where they slowly fade out.  They text a little less.  Call a little less. They swear up and down nothing is different, but the proof is in the blank text screen. Or the proof is sitting right next to you on the couch, texting, but turned away from you.  That little screen glows, but unlike when they're texting their buddies and you can see the screen if you glance over, this time you can't.  And to not look crazy, because god forbid women read the signs, we don't ask who they're talking to. Being crazy is the kiss of death, or at least that's what men want us to believe.

The fade is the cowardly way of avoiding a real, adult conversation.  It is how guys walk away from dating without holding themselves accountable.  It's how they avoid feeling awkward at another person's expense. It's how they avoid potentially hurting someone by hurting them more.  You see, the fade doesn't save me from a difficult conversation, what it does is show me that I was never respected to start with.  It proves to me that everything said was a lie.  You like me?  You want to spend time with me?  You want me to meet your son?  But you don't have the decency to say that you don't see potential?  No, that's not how it works.  That makes no sense.

Maybe it's the feeling used that makes the fade so painful.  Because once it's clear that you were never respected, it also becomes clear that you were just a pawn.  Less than human.  A meal ticket, a body to use, a trophy to be shown in front of friends.  Not human. Not important. Not worthy.  And every other self doubt that can pop up.

The fade isn't a favor.  It's torture.  It's continually checking a phone for a text that won't show up.  It's debating whether or not to reach out. It's making up excuses for another person. It's worrying that they're hurt. It's worrying that you hurt them.  It's doubting yourself because why aren't you good enough for a conversation?  A phone call?  A simple text?

So to the boy with the son, I hope you can learn to respect women so that your son doesn't turn into you.  There are enough cowards out there, enough guys that don't respect women, enough guys to wound girls for their own gain...so for all the little girls and boys that will eventually go into the dating world, I hope your son isn't like you.  Because no one deserves to be disrespected and treated less than human.