What's a Good Blog without Epic Fail?

Next guy who asks me if my friend is single is getting punched in the dick.

I mean, if my best male friend from high school asks, that's kosher.  We've established the whole 'we'll never date' thing.  That guy is like my brother, and I'm not one to buy into incest, just not my cup of genetically doomed tea.

But if I'm sitting at a bar and you ask if my friend is single, grow a pair and ask her yourself.  If I'm sitting at a bar, and you show up specifically to meet me, and then ask if my friend is single...well, go fuck yourself.

Seriously though, dick move.

Group dates were created by the devil.  When it's a first date masquerading as a group date, you're basically at LVL 20 of Hellfire and Brimstone.  At that point, you may as well just throw up your hands, admit every embarrassing thing you've ever done, and hang your head in shame as you walk out.  Because I promise you, by the end of it, you'll just feel worse than openly admitting that you once drank too much at a party and puked on the front lawn.  As the neighbors watched.  And that cute boy you were hoping to make out with, well, he saw it too.

Point is, group dates are an awful idea and you should avoid them.  Because those things you normally wouldn't say on a first date, your friend will bring them up.  And that same friend is going to look super hot and you're going to be wearing jeans.  And they're going to ask her if she's single, and you're going to awkwardly sip your drink and pray for death.

So the story you're probably wondering about, it started simply enough.  Talked to a guy on Match.com.  He seemed cool.  He also, unfortunately, knows the guy that stomped on my heart.  But hey, I decided to overlook that.  If he's friends with that guy, we'd probably get along.  Shoot, if he knows that whole crowd, we'd definitely get along because I'm just as vulgar and uncensored as they are.  So we chat online, it moves to text, and while I'm out and about with my friend I get a text asking if we want to maybe meet up.  He's with a friend, I'm with a friend, and I look decently cute so I figure we may as well get together.  That and we had already decided to have an actual date the next night, so the first night would just an ice breaker.

Fast forward to sitting in a booth at Macs.  He shows up, he brings his friend, and we all chat for a bit.  Things seem to be going fine, conversation is good, people are smiling and laughing, and there isn't much pressure.  But Macs gets packed, so we head to Kilkennys where things are slow and we can have real conversation.

"...are you single too?"

:BAM:  Right in the kisser.

I didn't mind that the conversation had started turning toward my friend, my 'date' already knew a lot about me from chatting online, and my friend is a social girl with a cool career to discuss.  But that moment he asked her if she was single too, that was the kiss of death.  That was the moment I knew I wouldn't hear from him after that night.  When she replied she wasn't single, and he told her that was a shame...well, I could have melted into the floor right then, seeped out the door, and then made a bolt for my car.

He asked if we'd like to hang out after the bar, maybe grab a bite to eat, or hit the strip club and keep the party going.  I said I was down, knowing my friend would back off and say she was heading home...ya know, be a good wing man and give me a chance to talk to him one on one. But when I said yes, and she said no, he rescinded his offer saying he was just going to go home.

Whomp whomp.

When I texted him the next day to ask if our date was still on for that night, I got the text.  The one where he says he hopes I'm not too hurt, that he doesn't want to date, but he'd love to be my friend. And that he genuinely means it, he's not just saying it, I'm super awesome and all that some old jazz I keep hearing on effin' repeat.

And ya know what?  Screw that.  You hope I'm not too hurt?  I'm sorry dude, I don't know who you think you are, but it was one date.  I didn't build up our imaginary life together in my brain, so it's cool, you don't need to let me down gently. 

What really grinds my gears though, and the thing that sticks with me and reminds me that I'm done with dating, is that I was good enough for friends but not good enough for a second date.  I get it, not everyone has a connection.  Not every relationship will work out, even with two awesome people.  But what I don't get is how you can dismiss someone so quickly from 'dating' status when you obviously enjoy being around them enough to be friends.  Especially when you only met once, for a couple of hours, in a social setting where you didn't get to really get to know each other.

That leads me to believe I'm just not pretty enough.  Because I was personable enough, fun enough, whatever enough to make friend status...but not good enough for a real date.

Yeah, I'm done.  Dating has killed my soul.

But no worries, I'm still blogging.  I've got enough stories stocked up for rainy, single days.